Let’s talk.
Are funny Dad jokes really funny?
Maybe if your dad is Steve Martin. Or Eddy Murphy. Or even David Letterman.
But for the average joe…it’s debatable.
And yet, somehow we all love funny Dad jokes — because, well, even if Dad isn’t funny, we love Dad.
And that makes his jokes worth hearing — even thyme after thyme. Because there’s a warm, cozy feeling attached to Dad jokes. Somehow they make us feel like everything, just for the moment, is OK with the world.
So, with Father’s Day on the horizon, here’s a list of 77 funny Dad jokes (outdoor & garden inspired, of course). Learn a few of these and go head to head with Dad on his special day. (Fight fire with fire, I say!)
But first…
What exactly is a funny Dad joke? Well, Merriam-Webster officially added the long-overdue phrase dad joke into its dictionary in 2019 and defined it as:
a wholesome joke of the type said to be told by fathers with a punchline that is often an obvious or predictable pun or play on words and usually judged to be endearingly corny or unfunny.
So, with that in mind, and without further ado, let’s plow in.
Dad jokes about Fruits & Vegetables
- Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
- What vegetable makes music? Bell peppers.
- What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business.
- How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? Use a pumpkin patch.
- What happened when the grape got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
- What did the cucumber say while soaking in vinegar? Stop! I’m pickle-ish.
- What did the brine say to the pickle? You mean a great dill to me.
- What makes a cucumber a pickle? A jarring experience.
- What did one pickle say to the other when they fell from the jar? Dill with it.
- What did the big tomato say to the little tomato? Catch up!
- What did the Baby corn say to the Mama corn? Where’s Popcorn?
- What does corn say to a compliment? Aw shucks!
- What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield.
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
- What did one bean say to the other? How you bean?
- What do you call a smashed chickpea? Hummus-cide.
dad jokes about People & Things
- Why won’t a cheerful gardener plant legumes? Because they’re grum-peas.
- What kind of socks do gardeners wear? Garden hose.
- What did the rake say to the hoe? Hi, Hoe!
- What do you call a fake gardener? A plant.
- What ride does a farmer like best? The Berry-Go-Round.
- What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? Blood orange.
- What did one snowman say to the other? “Do you smell carrots?”
- Why was the snowman holding a bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.
- What’s green and sings? Elvis Parsley.
- How does Cyndi Lauper order her spices? Thyme after thyme.
- Why wouldn’t the poppy seed leave the casino? He was on a roll.
dad jokes about Animals in Nature
- How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
- What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye-deer.
- Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
- What has more lives than a cat? A frog — he croaks every day.
- What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
- What was the frog’s favorite job at the hotel? Bellhop.
- What should a sick bird do? Get tweetment.
- What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts.
- How do rabbits travel? Hareplane.
- What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away? A receding hare line.
- How can you tell an old rabbit? Look for the gray hares.
- What do you call a rabbit who tells jokes? A funny bunny.
- What’s the only type of jewelry a rabbit likes? 14 carat gold.
- What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny
dad jokes about creepy crawlies
- What did the spider say to his son? Get off the Web!
- Why are teen spiders so smart? They find everything on the Web.
- What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.
- What do you call a dead fly? A flew.
- How do snails fight? They slug it out.
- What pests can rent an apartment? Ten-ants.
- Why do bees have sticky hair? They use honeycombs.
- What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind? A maybee.
- What made the Murder hornets leave? They were told to buzz off.
- What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.
dad jokes about Animals on the Farm
- What kind of hen counts her own eggs? A mathema-chicken.
- What do cows like to read? Cattle-logs.
- What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
- What do you call the cow that has no milk? An udder failure.
- What do you call a cow that won’t give milk? A milk dud.
- How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
- What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
- Why did the restaurant hire a pig? He was good at bacon.
- Why did Mozart hate chickens? Their favorite composer is “Bach! Bach! Bach!”
- Why was the barn so noisy? Because the cows have horns.
- How do you fit more pigs on a farm? Build a sty-scraper.
dad jokes about Trees & Nature
- What flowers kiss the best? Tulips.
- What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle? They rose.
- How do you make a lemon drop? Let it fall.
- What kind of trees wear gloves? Palm trees.
- What’s a tree’s favorite drink? Root beer.
- Why do trees look suspect on sunny days? They’re a little shady!
- How can you tell a dogwood tree? From its bark.
- What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
- What do clouds wear under their shorts? Thunderpants.
dad jokes that are…a little salty?
- What’s the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, “Ribbit, ribbit” and a horny toad says, “Rub it, rub it.”
- My neighbor with big boobs has been working topless in the garden all afternoon. I just wish his wife would do the same.
- Yesterday, I was digging in the garden when I found a buried treasure chest! I ran inside to tell my wife — but then I remembered why I was digging in the garden…
Well, time to wrap these dad jokes up…
- When does a joke become a Dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
wait for it…
- “I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!” ~Anonymous
BA-DA-BOOM!
- “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” ~Steve Martin
long live Funny Dad JokeS!
There you have it.
77 funny Dad jokes (tell me you didn’t recognize and laugh at one or two!) ~ perfect to learn and share.
Perfect for spreading that warm, cozy feeling funny Dad jokes bring. Perfect for helping friends and family feel like everything ~ just for the moment ~ is OK with the world.
So on this Father’s Day, keep’em alive. Tell a funny Dad joke or two.
Then sit back and revel in the memories…